"People run from rain but
in bathtubs full of
Charles Bukowski (via bittersweetsongs)
Wow bukowski so profound do you also bathe fully clothed you dickhead. “Oohh isn’t it funny that a person will eat when they’re hungry but will duck if you throw an apple at their face”
a kid from my high is fucking trending on facebook because of a stupid petition to get a senior photo of him holding a cat into the yearbook…
My principal decided to join him in a photo.
The new photograph will go in the yearbook as a way to raise awareness for American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) and rescue animals like Mr. Bugglesworth and Vivienne.
Bob Staake has created a series of “Satire, Humor and Visual Parody of Classic Children’s Books From the 1940s Through 1960s
"There is a way of looking at life called “keeping things in perspective.” This simply means “making yourself feel better by comparing the things that are happening to you right now against other things that have happened at a different time, or to different people.” For instance, if you were upset about an ugly pimple on the end of your nose, you might try to feel better by keeping your pimple in perspective. You might compare your pimple situation to that of someone who was being eaten by a bear, and when you looked in the mirror at your ugly pimple, you could say to yourself, “Well, at least I’m not being eaten by a bear.”"
— Page 37 - 38, Chapter 3, 'The Wide Window' , A Series of Unfortunate Events, Lemony Snicket (via aseriesofunfortunatequotes)
"The moral of “The Three Bears”, for instance, is “Never break into someone else’s house.” The moral of “Snow White” is “Never eat apples.” The moral of World War One is “Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”"
— Page 212, Chapter 13, 'The Wide Window', A Series of Unfortunate Events, Lemony Snicket (via aseriesofunfortunatequotes)
"Sometime during your life - in fact, very soon - you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book’s first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains. For instance, a book that began with the sentence “Once upon a time there was a family of cunning little chipmunks who lived in a hollow tree” would probably contain a story full of talking animals who get into all sorts of mischief. A book that began with the sentence “Emily sat down and looked at the stack of blueberry pancakes her mother had prepared for her, but she was too nervous about Camp Timbertops to eat a bite” would probably contain a story full of giggly girls who have a grand old time. And a book that began with the sentence “Gary smelled the leather of his brand new catcher’s mitt and waited impatiently for his best friend Larry to come around the corner” would probably contain a story full of sweaty boys who win some sort of trophy. And if you liked mischief, a grand old time, or trophies, you would know which book to read, and you could throw the rest of them away."
— Page 1 - 2, Chapter 1, 'The Miserable Mill', A Series of Unfortunate Events, Lemony Snicket (via aseriesofunfortunatequotes)
I know nobody will see my status but sometimes, when I am bored, I go into the garden, I cover myself in earth and I pretend that this joke is still funny.